The Inevitable

By Kaleigh G,

Fear is inevitable and unavoidable like many things. Everyone has encountered fear at some point in their life. No matter what age you are fear is still very present in your life. However, those fears may change as you get older, but fear itself never goes away entirely. There are many things that I am afraid of. In fact there are too many to count. As a child I was afraid of the dark and things that would go bump in the night. As I have gotten older and matured I have come to fear more complex and deeper things. The one fear that I’m most profoundly afraid of is sleeping. To normal people this may seem like an irrational fear, but to people like me who suffer from parasomnia and night terrors know that this is completely rational. Every time I close my eyes I am greeted with images that seep from the darkest depths of my mind. My heart starts to beat so fast it feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest. My breathing rate increases as the fear creeps in and grows. I’m drenched in sweat from head to toe. I feel that oh so familiar feeling set in the pit of my stomach like when you drop from the highest point on a roller coaster. Unlike normal nightmares like going to school in just your underwear mine are so vivid that they feel real and get more disturbing as they unfold. They usually involve imminent physical danger that provokes negative emotions like anxiety, terror, anger, rage, and disgust. The bad thing about having night terrors is that they can be triggered from even the slightest thing like sleeping in a different bed, stress, or sleep deprivation which I suffer a lot from lately. I have tried everything to prevent myself from going to sleep. I have tried drinking caffeine before bed, to setting alarms to wake myself up, to trying to stay occupied. I have absolutely no control of my actions when I am asleep. One minute I can be lying in bed and the next minute I could wake up to the cool wet pavement under my feet. It’s a scary thing to be influenced so heavily by my dreams. I’m scared that I will one day act out my dreams or that my body will react to one of my dreams. What if one day I go to sleep and I don’t wake up. These are the thoughts that run through my head as I lay my head down on the pillow to rest. Are these dreams real or just a figment of my imagination? Only time will tell.

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